Dirty Fridge Poetry

I'm sorting through all kinds of old papers.  (Far too much teen-angst poetry for my liking.)

I just uncovered something I have to share.  I think I'd have to say that this is NSFW - though there are no individual words that would offend anyone.

I don't even actually recall what this was for - maybe Theatre Under the Gun, perhaps one of The Stands, possibly an episode of 1000 Year Itch, or it could have been a Loose Cannons show.  (If anyone reading this happens to recall, please refresh my memory.)  I do recall that there was some need for an off-the-hook fridge poem.  Just about anyone who has been in my kitchen between 1999 and 2009 knows just how many fridge poetry words I have.  (They are not currently on my fridge, but they still exist.)  I do have a vague recollection of going home and playing with the magnetic words until I came up with something.  I can't even picture which kitchen/fridge it was that I sullied so.  I don't even recall if the original intent was to write something so pornographic.

The original page is pretty much one endless un-punctuated string of words.  I'm punctuating and spacing things for slightly easier reading.  Okay... here we go...

May I wear you like sweat? 

Smear your bed pie all over my naked animal apparatus as I explore  the steaming skin beach which lies above your blushing ocean.

Let me seep into the bitter perfumed peach and light the moistest of flowers ablaze with a feverish kiss of squirming pink.

I am drunk on the hot champagne of your luscious woman rain.

I will moan wild delirious music that pierces the liquid night when your sacred tongue meat poisons my screaming dirty lust candy, and a bath of juicy joy celebrates down those long icy fingers.

You think it felt like angel milk, playing a symphony on your hand.

Breathe the languid mist of our black velvet gardens.

Swim in a sea of a thousand arms and legs.

Your lathered love parts rusting beneath me.

Whisper when its time to change the TV.

Yes.  All those words are ones I have in my collection of fridge poetry magnets.

"This is Just to Say..."

Perhaps you are familiar with William Carlos Williams' poem "This is Just to Say." Apparently it's a classic, though I have only just heard of it myself. It was featured this past week on This American Life. You ARE familiar with This American Life, aren't you? If not, do yourself a favour and treat yourself to an occasional listen... I doubt you'll be able to keep it to merely 'occasional.'

This past week's episode was thematically about insincere apologies. Who hasn't made an insincere apology in their life? Particularly as a kid. I know I sure did. I must have done something somewhere along the way to my little sister that I was made to apologise for when I hadn't yet developed the capacity for genuine regret for my actions. These days I don't think I apologise if I don't mean it - I mean, what's the point?

"This is Just to Say" seems to have a spectrum of interpretation associated with it. Some people take the apology as sincere, others not so. I'm going to have to come down in the 'insincere' camp, but before I get into my argument, here's the poem itself:

THIS IS JUST TO SAY, by William Carlos Williams

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold




So....
Where exactly does he apologise? He doesn't! He makes a demand for forgiveness, but never actually apologises. "Probably saving for breakfast..."? Is it just me or does that stink of being something that he knew damned well (perhaps it was her habit to have plums for breakfast?) was the case and now he's trying to play dumb? "And so cold..." seems like a reflection of the quality of apology, doesn't it?
Anyhow, as an apology, I don't buy it.

On This American Life they had some of their regular contributors write their own 'This is just to say...' poems. I couldn't help myself. I had too much to not apologize for myself.


This is Just to Say

I forgive me
'cause
I know
You never will

-----

I called you
a drunk
and told people
you are
that particular
type of selfish
bitch
who would write
a hollow note
declaring
"This is just to say..."

-----

Whatever.

-----

You don't get it
And I don't
care

Waah waah
Eat shit
You stupid fuck.

-----

I fucked him
while we
were still engaged

I expected you
to believe
the contraceptive gel
was for us

Though I'd
been too distracted
by him
for months
to even think
of fucking
you

Forgive me
The anti-depressants
and booze
have compromised
my moral
compass

-----

Forgive me
for pretending
I'm sorry

It may not have
been 'cool'

but...

Seriously?
You expect me
to defend that?

-----

I could not
Think less
of you
if I tried

I've had it with
treating
Your fragile psyche
like a Fabrege egg

So...
Prepare for the worst
I could care less
if you
forgive me

-----

I'm sorry
You lost your job
because of me

convincing you
to stay
in bed
long enough
to give one more
blow job

Well -
what can I say?




I think my favourites are the first one and the extreme brevity of the third one. I'm hoping other folks will add their own versions - this has been heaps of cathartic fun.