This is hardly the best piece of old writing I've uncovered, but it has a bit of a story behind it that is worth telling.
In the years before I started touring Canada I had gone through a series of different comedy troupes - most of which spawned directly from th Prince George Theatre Workshop's Summer Stage project.
One of them - The Machine Gun Canaries - ended up getting a coveted TV gig. There was a local TV magazine called 54-North. The producer and host decided that a comedy troupe would be an interesting addition to the weekly commentary. We got the job.
On about our second or third week the subject of the week was the debate over whether Prince George should be the home of the planned fourth university in BC. Locals variously supported and criticized it. At least one other city was trying to get the University built there. It was all up in the air. But we were young homers, naturally we were in favour of it being in PG and the arguments against it were silly - what better way to support our position than to stuff a few strawmen in the mouths of our opponents?
We put together two sketches . One poked fun at the proposed names for the University - I don't recall it clearly, but I know at one point we referred to it as UPiG and there was something about UNBC "proud as a peackock." ...the eventual university would in fact be named UNBC. They left out the rest of it... not that anyone would get the joke anymore.
The second sketch follows below:
ELBERT: (Slowly with a hesitant drawl.) Hi. My name is Elbert T. Mc Madden Jr., and this is my wife, Ma.
MA: Or 'Ma' for short.
ELBERT: Ma and I run my hay farm in the Blackburn area.
MA: Where we farm... hay.
ELBERT: The farm has been in my family since my great grandaddy came and arrived here when he came and... arrived in 1889.
MA: One hundred years ago.
ELBERT: Of course Great Grandaddy hasn't been around for a few years now. (Pause.) I have come here today to express my concerns about a Northern Interior University. I think that a university at Fort George.
MA: That's Prince George now, Elbert.
ELBERT: Oh, that's right. "The times they are a changin'" as that hip folk song does say. I think that a university in Prince George would be a waste of tax payers' money. I feel that money could go to better causes.
(Enter their son.)
SON: Pa! Pa!
MA: Now hesh up a second there boy. Your father 's speakin'.
ELBERT: No, Ma. Let me introduce my boy. Afterall our youth is our future. This is my boy, Elbert T. McMadden Junior Jr. Junior Jr., we is on TV.
SON: Golly!
MA: Now what did you want to ask your father, boy?
SON: Pa, I got a real hot date tonight. An' I was wonderin' if I could use the tractor to go to town?
ELBERT: Sorry Junior Jr, but Ma and I was goin' to take the tractor to town to watch them buildin' that new fangled hockey rink.
MA: Now, that's progress.
ELBERT: I'm afraid that you'll have to take the combine.
SON: The combine! Pa, I'll look like a geek!
MA: Now Junior Jr., don't argue with your father. Run along now.
(Junior Jr. leaves, upset.)
ELBERT: The money we save on taxes could be out towards buying a new tractor so that we could be a two tractor family.
MA: Now, that's progress!
ELBERT: An Interior University would be about as much good for the city as that new fangled cultural centre they wanted to build. Why I got plenty enough culture just sittin' round watchin' Wheel of Fortune on the television.
MA: ...Actually Elbert, we could use a new TV set...
ELBERT: What in tarnation are you talkin' about Ma? We just bought a brand new enormous 12 inch black and white in 1959.
MA: Of course, we couldn't receive any channels back then... But it sure was nice to put something up where we used to stare against the wall in the evenings.
ELBERT: Yeah Ma, we always have been ahead of the times, ain't we?
MA: Shore have. We believe in progress.
- End -
Now I'll be the first to admit that I can think of a dozen ways to improve this sketch - if it were still relevant. It's really not even close to being one of the best of the old pieces I dug up. But it is special for another reason...
A day after it aired, the TV station recieved a number of complaints about the sketch.
Some people in the Blackburn area of town were upset about the portrayal of Blackburn farmers... a complaint I still feel is kind of quaint, sort of misses the point and if anything kind of serves to further the point. I should also add... my Grandmother's maiden name? Blackburn. NOT a coincidence. My uncle and cousins still operate the Blackburn farm in the Blackburn area of Prince George.
Anyhow... I don't know whether the producer of 54-North buckled under his own weight or under pressure from above at the station, CKPG, but we never appeared on the show again.
UNBC (proud as a peacock) DID get built in Prince George. (As did one in the Okanagan - UBCO.) The "New" arena is now in need of replacement, and they did eventually build a new cultural centre.
Somewhere along the way my adolescent brain got the message that comedy can push buttons and effect change. Perhaps I don't practice that as much as I ought to... but if someday I can convince someone to green-light my TV series "Big Wig" - I'll be back to pushing buttons, making points and effecting change on TV. Or maybe TV producers are too scared.
Showing posts with label Reality TV. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Reality TV. Show all posts
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Saturday, January 13, 2007
The Robfather - Why are we expected to give a shit?
2002 - Marquesas
An obnoxious steeplejack from Boston became one of the most fascinating characters on a little South Pacific island. He was nasty and over-played his hand and dodged innumerable bullets before those around him had had enough. It was the season of Survivior where the pawns stood up and fought back and took the game into their own control for the first time, and while he wasn't part of that dramatic move, he gave the show the momentum it needed to get there. It was almost enough entertainment to propel that season past the point where Jesus won a million dollars.
The came Survivor All-Stars - at first I was delighted that Rob was back. But then he allied with one of the least interesting survivor players ever - Amber.
What did Amber have that made her 'All-Star' worthy? Well, she tagged along behind uber-witch Jerri in Australia long enough to make it deep into the jury. And, she was reasonably hot, and hot deserves some attention. But I feel pretty confident that if you were behind the doors where the decisions were made in selecting the cast, you would have heard Mark Burnett say something to the effect of:
"(Big sigh.) Well, too bad Mike Skupin, Brian Hedik, Christy Smith, and Jake Billingsley all said 'no.' I guess we'll have to go with... I dunno - Jon Dalton. Gawd I hate that guy. No forget it, let's add some cheesecake and go with... Hmmm... Erin? Heidi? Sarah? No too blatant. Too much boob. I guess we'll just have to make due with Amber."
And so, the personality-less one latched onto a shit-disturber again. And hot damn if Rob didn't pick up his game - helped immensely by possibly the stupidest move ever made by an otherwise brilliant player, Lex - and he bootstrapped the pair of them into a million dollars.
Well, technically, Amber won the million. But it was Rob who orchestrated it and as they were a couple by the finale (at which he proposed to her) it was all pretty much academic who won.
If there was anyone who wasn't thinking "I wonder if he'll propose at the finale?" they really weren't thinking at all. The fact that they were a couple totally removed all interest out of the finale - though it was nice that Rupert won a million essentially for being the kind of player that everyone thought would win the million if the game was what everyone naively thought it was before Rich Hatch offered up the Apple of Alliance in the original Survivor paradise. But that's another story.
Point being - Rob and Amber were collectively boring. And Rob managed to get a bit ugly. Even within the confines of the game. Ugly. But boring.
Proposing on TV - how calculated was that? It's not like she could say 'no.' (But fuck, would it have been phenomenal television if she did!)
Then they did the Amazing Race. They actually did fairly well - though it would be a stretch to say they came close to winning. And to give credit where credit is due, Rob pulled one of the best moves ever, by refusing to do a challenge that was so hard that it took longer to do it than to accept the penalty... which is to say nothing of the potentially detrimental effects of eating as much meat as would have been necessary to complete the challenge.
Then they got married - on TV. By now... they were getting pretty over exposed for a couple who were largely set apart by their odiousness and uninterestingness respectively.
Then this past week ANOTHER show about them - a series presumably. Morbid curiosity reeled me in ever so briefly.
After a quick run-down of their history (which I've already covered in more detail than the show did) we are told that they are going to Vegas to pursue a career in professional poker playing. Huh?
First we are subjected to a series of 'spontaneous' conversations where Rob tells Amber and she doesn't like it. So he packs his bags and goes and she calls Mummy and Daddy. I had already quit watching by this point - I let it run in the B.G. as I went to the toilet and put my laundry away. Rob had another totally contrived conversation with an acquaintance who knows his shit about poker. Rob explained how his Dad - or Grandfathah - or whoever, used to play poker and showed him the ropes.
HOLY FUCKING BORING!
It wasn't even worth playing as background noise.
And like I said... SO contrived.
I have yet to figure out how poker became a spectator sport in the first place - even with the advances in technology which 'add value' to the experience. And this show subjects us to this rather uninteresting couple with the Alpha-male and the woman who can't effectively stand up for herself as they make the 'spontaneous decision' to pursue a career in professional poker?
I didn't last seven minutes! I can only hope that they lose their shirts (which Amber has already done in a few magazines) and we never have to hear from them again!
This is exactly the sort of broadcast smeg-stain that give Reality TV a bad name.
I know that 'Reality TV' ought to be called 'Contrived Reality TV' - but fuck! At least the Osbornes really allowed us to watch what simply happened in their oddball lives - perhaps played up a bit, but not wholesale manufacture! And the 'reality' in Survivor and it's ilk is how people REALLY react when placed in an extreme situation. This has the virtue of... what exactly?
In the first 2 minutes of the show Rob declared that he can't possibly got back to a 9 to 5 after what he has been through in the past 5 years. One can only hope.
The snooze alarm on these two's fifteen minutes is broken and there is no reason for us to be subjected to them for one commercial break longer.
An obnoxious steeplejack from Boston became one of the most fascinating characters on a little South Pacific island. He was nasty and over-played his hand and dodged innumerable bullets before those around him had had enough. It was the season of Survivior where the pawns stood up and fought back and took the game into their own control for the first time, and while he wasn't part of that dramatic move, he gave the show the momentum it needed to get there. It was almost enough entertainment to propel that season past the point where Jesus won a million dollars.
The came Survivor All-Stars - at first I was delighted that Rob was back. But then he allied with one of the least interesting survivor players ever - Amber.
What did Amber have that made her 'All-Star' worthy? Well, she tagged along behind uber-witch Jerri in Australia long enough to make it deep into the jury. And, she was reasonably hot, and hot deserves some attention. But I feel pretty confident that if you were behind the doors where the decisions were made in selecting the cast, you would have heard Mark Burnett say something to the effect of:
"(Big sigh.) Well, too bad Mike Skupin, Brian Hedik, Christy Smith, and Jake Billingsley all said 'no.' I guess we'll have to go with... I dunno - Jon Dalton. Gawd I hate that guy. No forget it, let's add some cheesecake and go with... Hmmm... Erin? Heidi? Sarah? No too blatant. Too much boob. I guess we'll just have to make due with Amber."
And so, the personality-less one latched onto a shit-disturber again. And hot damn if Rob didn't pick up his game - helped immensely by possibly the stupidest move ever made by an otherwise brilliant player, Lex - and he bootstrapped the pair of them into a million dollars.
Well, technically, Amber won the million. But it was Rob who orchestrated it and as they were a couple by the finale (at which he proposed to her) it was all pretty much academic who won.
If there was anyone who wasn't thinking "I wonder if he'll propose at the finale?" they really weren't thinking at all. The fact that they were a couple totally removed all interest out of the finale - though it was nice that Rupert won a million essentially for being the kind of player that everyone thought would win the million if the game was what everyone naively thought it was before Rich Hatch offered up the Apple of Alliance in the original Survivor paradise. But that's another story.
Point being - Rob and Amber were collectively boring. And Rob managed to get a bit ugly. Even within the confines of the game. Ugly. But boring.
Proposing on TV - how calculated was that? It's not like she could say 'no.' (But fuck, would it have been phenomenal television if she did!)
Then they did the Amazing Race. They actually did fairly well - though it would be a stretch to say they came close to winning. And to give credit where credit is due, Rob pulled one of the best moves ever, by refusing to do a challenge that was so hard that it took longer to do it than to accept the penalty... which is to say nothing of the potentially detrimental effects of eating as much meat as would have been necessary to complete the challenge.
Then they got married - on TV. By now... they were getting pretty over exposed for a couple who were largely set apart by their odiousness and uninterestingness respectively.
Then this past week ANOTHER show about them - a series presumably. Morbid curiosity reeled me in ever so briefly.
After a quick run-down of their history (which I've already covered in more detail than the show did) we are told that they are going to Vegas to pursue a career in professional poker playing. Huh?
First we are subjected to a series of 'spontaneous' conversations where Rob tells Amber and she doesn't like it. So he packs his bags and goes and she calls Mummy and Daddy. I had already quit watching by this point - I let it run in the B.G. as I went to the toilet and put my laundry away. Rob had another totally contrived conversation with an acquaintance who knows his shit about poker. Rob explained how his Dad - or Grandfathah - or whoever, used to play poker and showed him the ropes.
HOLY FUCKING BORING!
It wasn't even worth playing as background noise.
And like I said... SO contrived.
I have yet to figure out how poker became a spectator sport in the first place - even with the advances in technology which 'add value' to the experience. And this show subjects us to this rather uninteresting couple with the Alpha-male and the woman who can't effectively stand up for herself as they make the 'spontaneous decision' to pursue a career in professional poker?
I didn't last seven minutes! I can only hope that they lose their shirts (which Amber has already done in a few magazines) and we never have to hear from them again!
This is exactly the sort of broadcast smeg-stain that give Reality TV a bad name.
I know that 'Reality TV' ought to be called 'Contrived Reality TV' - but fuck! At least the Osbornes really allowed us to watch what simply happened in their oddball lives - perhaps played up a bit, but not wholesale manufacture! And the 'reality' in Survivor and it's ilk is how people REALLY react when placed in an extreme situation. This has the virtue of... what exactly?
In the first 2 minutes of the show Rob declared that he can't possibly got back to a 9 to 5 after what he has been through in the past 5 years. One can only hope.
The snooze alarm on these two's fifteen minutes is broken and there is no reason for us to be subjected to them for one commercial break longer.
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