Hockey Nirvana

Two posts in one day. I've been slack lately, so this is a change of pace - literally.

With two hours and counting 'til game one of the Stanley Cup Final I just couldn't let the moment go un-commented upon.

I am SO excited. I think most hockey fans are. When was the last time there was a match-up so promising in the final? The closest we've come most recently is Colorado v/ New Jersey in 2001. The drama of Mission 16W. That was a pretty great series. Seven games. The last one, if I recall was pretty one sided - more so than the 3-1 decision implies. But this series is still all promise. It could still be the greatest hockey series ever played. It really could. It is absolutley in the realm of possibility.

I've been looking forward to today since about half way through the second round, when it started looking realistic that the Wings and the Penguins could be facing off against each other for the cup.

I think they genuinely are the two best teams in the league - sorry Montreal fans. Wait a second, why am I sorry? I hate the Canadiens.

Detroit has been my second favourite team for about as long as I've been a hockey fan. It's been a good decade and a half to be Detroit fan. I expect them to win, but I don't expect it to be easy. I also expect that this will be the end of the glory years in Detroit - times are too hard there in the auto industry and that can only hurt the club. They may go back to being the Dead Wings of 25 years ago and further - the pre-Yzerman era. But for now... four cups in 12 years, they've made it to the conference finals or further as many additional times since '95, they've been 1st in thier division every season but three since '94 (and they won the Cup in two of those three years.), Since it's inception in 1986 only one team has won the President's Trophy more than twice - Detriot - SIX times. They are the closest thing to a dynasty left in hockey in the new millenium.

But the boys in Pittsburgh aren't going to be a pushover. Crosby and Malkin are undisputed superstars in waiting. I think we can expect that this Cup will be to Pittsburgh what the 82-83 thumping the Islanders gave the Oilers. They handed them their ass, but showed them what it took to be a great team, passing the torch in the process. I don't expect the Pens to get swept, but I doubt they can out perform the combination of winning experience and skill that has been steeping in Hockeytown for over a decade.

Okay... now there are only 90 minutes left.

Defending the Music XXII: Also Rans & the Bullpen

I thought I was done, but there's been some lingering thoughts that I felt needed addressing. There are a number of groups which have never made the cut for various reasons. Some, though coming very close, just haven't quite had the personal appeal for me; others haven't been consistent enough to earn my faith to the degree that I am willing to accept their lesser works as wholeheartedly as their best works; and still others have fallen short by right of never developing a large enough body of work. Additionally, it occurred to me that there are a few artists that are hovering on the edge of me embracing them as completely as I do Pearl Jam or the Hip or any of the other acts on my list of true believers. As that's the most victorious category, I'll save it for last.



It's a pretty substantial list, so I won't spend much time commenting on individual acts, but rest assured they all came very close to being on my list of the real cream of the crop.



First up, the inconsistent artists. These are the folks who at some point in their career blew my mind with at least one full album, but throughout the rest of their career - which may or may not be on going - have been too hit or miss for me to get behind them universally.



The Alarm - I was (happily) tricked into seeing The Alarm on their practice gig at the long since defunct 86 Street Music Hall for their last full tour. Two of their last three albums are amazing, and they had some great stuff that presaged those moments in their earlier career. The real spectacular thing they did was break up on stage in 1991 - what I wouldn't have done to see that!
Alice in Chains - Dirt. Damn what a great disc. Jar of Flies was no slouch either... but they just didn't have the jam to keep up the pace.
Barenaked Ladies - Gordon, Stunt and the infamous Yellow Tape. Beyond that I've always found them to be pretty hit and miss. They did do a wicked concert though.
Beck - I totally expected Beck to be a one hit wonder. Mellow Gold was a remarkable and unique album in it's day. Odelay and Guero are also wicked albums that pretty much work top to bottom. I also don't think he's done a disc that hasn't had a great track or two on it... but they also all have a solid sampling of boring twaddle. Too bad.
BoDeans - I saw the BoDeans open for U2 in 1987. They were great! So were their first two albums. But beyond that they rarely made much music of value... arguably the theme to Party of Five: Closer to Free, is an exception.
Cracker - Kerosene Hat is one of the most awesome albums ever. Period. Nothing else the former Camper Van Beethoven frontman, David Lowery fronted project has done since - and arguably before - has done much for me at all.
Collective Soul - I'm actually surpised that these guys are still making music together. I thought they faded away after their fourth album - by which point I had quit finding them interesting... actually I pretty much only found them exceptionally interesting for their second (self-titled) album.
Counting Crows - A band that lost steam fast. August and Everything After was amazing. Everything after, wasn't.
Crash Test Dummies - The law of diminishing returns returns... Such a brilliant start. Some decent sophmore stuff and with a few bright moments to follow it was pretty much over. I actually met Brad Roberts at a party just as they went meteoric. I think he hadn't realized he was on the verge of stardom.
The Cult - Love and Sonic Temple were amazing albums. Electric was fun if flawed. In concert they were crap. Stumblingly drunk. Embarassing.
Frank Black - He's already on the list of honour for The Pixies, so falling short for the solo career is hardly a (pardon) black mark. I'm lumping all post Pixies Frank Black together. His first solo effort is awesome, as is Frank Black and the Catholics' Pistolero... but he's managed to put most of the rest of his career together with filler. So disappointing.
Great Big Sea - Though nowhere near the artistic attrition of the Crash Test Dummies, Great Big Sea's studio albums are each a little less than the one before. Too bad. Up and Play were both pretty wicked.
INXS - Kick and X - with a few scattered bright lights from their earliest days through to the death of Michael Hutchence. INXS V. 2.0 with J.D. fortune... god help us.
Nine Inch Nails - A brilliant and industry changing first album. I listened to Pretty Hate Machine in full for the first time in years last weekend. It was amazing. Broken is also a pretty great disc... but it all starts to sound the same after that. Almost ironic seeing as Trent Reznor was so original in the first place.
Pogues - If I should Fall From Grace With God is a spectacular work of celtic punk fusion. Fairytale of New York would probably get my vote for the best duet ever... which perhaps explains some of my worst relationships. Peace and Love isn't far behind, but outside of that the Pogues are pretty hit and miss.
Sinead O'Connor - I Do Not Want... was at one time one of the most listened to albums of my life. She has her moments before and after, but she's also pretty tiresome at times too.
Smashing Pumpkins - Billy Corgan. Brilliant and bat shit crazy. The brilliance didn't have enough legs on it to consistently lift their music to the level that made Siamese Dream the breakout that it was. Not even the solid, but flawed Mellon Collie...
Stone Temple Pilots - I always loved how STP experimented with their sound and knew no bounds with where they could go sonically... but it didn't always equal brilliance.
White Stripes - I'm breaking the rules here. There are several dozen White Stripes songs that together would make two or three amazing albums... unfortunately there isn't one single album full of them.



Next up, there are a number of artists, who are seen by many as being among the all-time greats - or on their way - who I do really like, but I don't embrace at the level that their own true believers do, despite recognizing and respecting their genius. I should mention, dividing artists accurately between this category and the first, was not always easy or clear.



Alanis Morissette - I was as surprised as anyone by her reappearance on the scene, and Jagged Little Pill was a spectacular album. She's had some other great moments too, but not enough for me. Oh, and... note to self - do NOT date this woman - have you heard how she savages her exes on her albums?
Beastie Boys - There are those for whom the art-rap of the Beastie Boys is the pinnacle of the white man's accomplishment in urban music. Actually, now that I've written that, I believe that that is the case for me too... I just don't think that that is enough to act as though the sun rises and sets on Mike D, MCA, Ad-Rock & Mix Master Mike.
Billy Bragg - At his best Billy Bragg is amazing. I've just never found that his best is totally in step with what I want to hear. Close... so very close.
Bright Eyes - Connor Oberst is pretty damned interesting, and I can see why he is looked upon as the vanguard of lo-fi. No doubt one day he will be a legend... just not in my mind.
The Cure - There is no single album by the Cure that blew me away... except for their singles album Standing on the Beach. But Robert Smith managed to pack every album with a handful of wicked ditties... and too much tiresome woe to really win me over in full.
David Bowie - If I take it on the chin for any one artist, I expect it to be this one. I do in fact really love a LOT of David Bowie. No artist on this list comes closer to making my true believers list than David Bowie. One of my favourite concerts of all time was the Sound and Vision tour. But when I consider putting him in the autoplaylist I keep getting stopped up by thoughts like 'ugh - that would mean having to listen to Glass Spider.'
Metallica - Another of those 'most influential bands of all time' that didn't specifically inspire me until well after their impact was long since apparent. I'm still not so hot on anything before And Justice for All....
Nick Cave - How can you not love Murder Ballads? I'm also a big Grinderman fan. And there aren't many musicians I'd rather sit down and chat over a pint with... but I've never completely bought into the music. Sorry Chief.
Public Enemy - I should almost put the mighty P.E. in the next category. They were truly tremendous, and perhaps only a white man could fail to recognize their complete genius. And I DO think Chuck D is a genius - to this day. But Flavor Flav gets more egregious with each subsequent reality show. Apocalypse `91 is one of my favourite albums of all time. Fight the Power is obviously one of the most influential individual songs ever recorded. There's more P.E. of value - but for me it's scattered, and the further you get from the ...Black Planet the scarcer it becomes.
Spirit of the West - I don't think there is a band that was loved by more people I went to university with than Spirit of the West. I was even mistaken as John Mann once, even though I look nothing like him (long story for another time). And the best of Spirit of the West has become among my favourite music, just out of osmosis from those days... but I just don't LOVE them the way my peers did.
Radiohead - A secret confession: Radiohead shouldn't really be on this list. I just don't like them that much. But at least they are current, they are seen by many as geniuses and I do own some of their music and like it. For this they earn a place - unlike Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, The Stones and the Beatles; all of whom I expect to be the artists that are most conspicuous by their absence. All of whom I am at least a little actively contemptuous of.
Rage Against the Machine - I was rather late to RATM. I was familiar with bits and bites of their music until their last album, Renegades, came out. Renegades didn't have a single song written by RATM on it. All covers. Brilliant noise. Going back through their catalogue I found a lot to like, but they never managed to totally enthrall me, top to bottom. ...top to RATM.
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Mother's Milk was responsible for me putting a LOT of faith in the Chili Peppers. I went back in their catalogue looking for the same brilliance and never found it. I bought their next three albums looking for the same and only ever found it in bits and pieces. Shame.
They Might be Giants - I've got so much respect for the Johns. They have done so well for themselves by simply doing their own thing and not caring what the world thinks. But that same quirk means there`s an awful lot of weak spots in their catalogue for those of us who aren't totally devoted to them.


Then there are the artists whose career was simply too short - which in many cases is undoubtedly the proof of the scope fo their talent. But in each of these cases there was one to three albums that kicked ass. In many cases some of my favourite albums of all time. But it would be totally cheap to declare that I love everything they ever did, when they only ever relased an album or three.

Andrew Cash - One kick ass rootsy album. Especially the first half of it. Never saw him again.
Cutting Crew - I think I lost my virginity to The Broadcast. Their second album, The Scattering wasn't quite as good, but I think their ambient pop was ahead of it's time.
Faith No More - I don't count the pre-Mike Patton albums. But when he was their front man, they were the best funk metal band on the planet. Again - ahead of their time.
Guns & Roses - Technically G&R have more than three albums, but only three really count. Appetite for Destruction - one of the greatest albums ever. Lies - which was packaged with their earlier Live Like a Suicide disc (which I don't count.) Use Your Illusion - which while sold as two albums... came out the same day with the same artwork (in different colours) - it's the SAME album. Spaghetti Incident was all covers thus doesn't count. And if Chinese Democracy ever gets released... well I'll cross that bridge then, if one can even consider it a G&R disc.
Hothouse Flowers - Three really gorgeous albums. Rich and lustrous. I had tickets to see them - but they cancelled the concert the day before... and they never toured or recorded together again.
Jane's Addiction - Nothing's Shocking and Ritual de lo Habitual are collectively responsible for expanding my mind with regards to what music could be more than any other band's discs ever. Their reunion... not so much - though it was good to get a chance to see them play.
Mollies Revenge - You've never heard of them. The best album by a Vancouver band ever. Also a great show.
The Monks - Bad Habits was more responsible for my interest in punk music - yes, even more so than The Clash. I've never managed to get my hands on a copy of Suspended Animation, their second album. VERY hard to find.
Power Station - The sound of this album was so thick. Their second album turned into a Rod Stewart album - it was all downhill from there. Andy Taylor almost makes the list with his only solo album - equally fat sounding.
Robbie Robertson - A stretch. I know. Obviously The Band provided Robbie Robertson with a career before his career. His first self-titled solo album is a clinic in epic sounding rock. One of the best albums ever produced. His second, Storyville, is also pretty awesome. After that - his two Native American releases (the newest of which is a decade old) - are really albums with other people, though not quite bands in themselves... and not quite as good.
Rock & Hyde - I would have liked to be able to justify the Payolas on this list somewhere, but I can't. This is as close as it gets. One album - ten better tracks than any Payolas album anyhow.
The Silencers - Another stretch. The only Silencers' album I've ever been able to get my hands on, Blues for Buddha, is twenty years old. They released their tenth album this year. I suppose I could try harder to get those other nine albums - there has been some real effort, but in a way I don't want to ruin the magic of that one disc of divine aural pleasure.
Stone Roses - Their first album was the best music for smoking dope to of the 1990s. And then it all went to hell due to legal entreching of corporate music interests. Second Coming - their late arriving sophmore was a pale shadow, but had it's moments. It was probably best that they broke up thereafter.

Last and far far far from least are a number of acts who I see the potential of that could concieveably make my list of True Believers some day.

Gavin DeGraw - They had better play "I Don't Want to Be" at my funeral.

Gomez - Gomez have been growing on me for years. The scope of thier sound is vast. Their latest, How We Operate, pretty much seals the deal. If their sixth album is as good as their previous ones, I'm going to have no choice but to add them to the list. Just thinking about them now menas that Girlshapedlovedrug will be stuck pleasantly in my head all day.

Kings of Leon - Just keep your eyes on these guys. They're awesome. My only fear is that after four albums they might start sounding like more and more of the same.

Les Dales Hawerchuk - Perhaps a wee bit pre-mature, but I really love these guys. I only barely grok French, which is a bit of a challenge, but this is the hungriest rock around. Love 'em.

Modest Mouse - I actually just saw Modest Mouse in concert (opening for R.E.M.) last night. I gotta say they're far more interesting when constrained by the studio. And I'm not sure that Isaac Brock's voice can continue to be interesting after another album - but they only release a full album every three years. And the addition of Johnny Marr... inspired.

Okay. That's it. This series is over. I'm going to find some thing else to yak about for a while. If/when I come back to music I'll tackle it from another angle.

"This is Just to Say..."

Perhaps you are familiar with William Carlos Williams' poem "This is Just to Say." Apparently it's a classic, though I have only just heard of it myself. It was featured this past week on This American Life. You ARE familiar with This American Life, aren't you? If not, do yourself a favour and treat yourself to an occasional listen... I doubt you'll be able to keep it to merely 'occasional.'

This past week's episode was thematically about insincere apologies. Who hasn't made an insincere apology in their life? Particularly as a kid. I know I sure did. I must have done something somewhere along the way to my little sister that I was made to apologise for when I hadn't yet developed the capacity for genuine regret for my actions. These days I don't think I apologise if I don't mean it - I mean, what's the point?

"This is Just to Say" seems to have a spectrum of interpretation associated with it. Some people take the apology as sincere, others not so. I'm going to have to come down in the 'insincere' camp, but before I get into my argument, here's the poem itself:

THIS IS JUST TO SAY, by William Carlos Williams

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold




So....
Where exactly does he apologise? He doesn't! He makes a demand for forgiveness, but never actually apologises. "Probably saving for breakfast..."? Is it just me or does that stink of being something that he knew damned well (perhaps it was her habit to have plums for breakfast?) was the case and now he's trying to play dumb? "And so cold..." seems like a reflection of the quality of apology, doesn't it?
Anyhow, as an apology, I don't buy it.

On This American Life they had some of their regular contributors write their own 'This is just to say...' poems. I couldn't help myself. I had too much to not apologize for myself.


This is Just to Say

I forgive me
'cause
I know
You never will

-----

I called you
a drunk
and told people
you are
that particular
type of selfish
bitch
who would write
a hollow note
declaring
"This is just to say..."

-----

Whatever.

-----

You don't get it
And I don't
care

Waah waah
Eat shit
You stupid fuck.

-----

I fucked him
while we
were still engaged

I expected you
to believe
the contraceptive gel
was for us

Though I'd
been too distracted
by him
for months
to even think
of fucking
you

Forgive me
The anti-depressants
and booze
have compromised
my moral
compass

-----

Forgive me
for pretending
I'm sorry

It may not have
been 'cool'

but...

Seriously?
You expect me
to defend that?

-----

I could not
Think less
of you
if I tried

I've had it with
treating
Your fragile psyche
like a Fabrege egg

So...
Prepare for the worst
I could care less
if you
forgive me

-----

I'm sorry
You lost your job
because of me

convincing you
to stay
in bed
long enough
to give one more
blow job

Well -
what can I say?




I think my favourites are the first one and the extreme brevity of the third one. I'm hoping other folks will add their own versions - this has been heaps of cathartic fun.

Defending the Music XXI: A Million Different Voices Singing in Tongues

At last.


Number 21 of 21. The artist who was mocked, starting this entire series of posts, defending my choices for favourite music acts.


This is the only artist on the list who is an individual (though an argument could be made against that), and the timing is excellent as I saw him play live not 72 hours ago.


It was fucking amazing, and that should not be much of a surprize as he - and his band - have been making music together for over forty years.


I am speaking of Bruce Springsteen, and to a lesser extent, the E-Street Band. I will just as happily listen to the Boss's solo tracks as stuff with E-Street and lump it all together as Bruce Springsteen... and I am not alone.

Note that I only have one artist in my list of 21 who is an individual - Bruce Springsteen. He is that good. He can keep pace with 20 other bands that rely upon the creativity of an entire group.

I do recall hearing Born to Run and Thunder Road on my local radio station in Prince George, CKPG, as a kid. But I was hardly a Springsteen fan. I was well on my way towards being a punk rock kid by then. The chances of 'The River' making my playlist could not have been detected by the greatest science of the day. In fact I once allowed someone to play my guitar when I was about 15 and when he played 'The River' I felt the need to wash my poor instrument.

When Born in the U.S.A. came out my Dad bought it through Columbia Music House. My response at the time was something like "Aww, Dad, that album has been out for months. It's SO old." And sure enough it had seen two, or perhaps even three singles by that time. It would stay on the charts for fucking ever and it would seem like every song on the album made the top ten at one time or another. This is definitely hyperbole, but not by as much as one might assume. Seven of the twelve tracks on the album made the top ten and another, not even released as a single(!), cracked the top forty.

We can safely fast forward fifteen years during which I was pretty much unaware of Springsteen. I knew he won an Academy Award for the song he wrote for Philadelphia and had been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and got married to one of his bandmates, but really I wasn't interested. The closest he came to really registering on my radar was when Rage Against the Machine (of all people) did a cover of one of his songs... which I found I actually quite liked.

Then someone flew a plan into a building in New York and changed the world.

Springsteen responded with what for me would proved to be his most important album. Some people saw it as opportunistic - capitalizing on the grief and disaster, but not me.

My friend Norm exhorted me to give The Rising a listen. I evaded it until he gave me a copy, at which point it became nothing but capriciousness to not give it at least a token listen. Musically it was a revelation for me. Damn he's a good song-writer - I suppose that ought to go without saying if someone is going to have as long and illustrious a career as he had had. In many ways The Rising said many of the things that were lingering in the back of my mind. He personalized the incident and stepped away from the cliches that had already developed. He was the only artist with the voice to say the things I needed to hear without getting all jingoistic about it.

Roughly a year later I had been cast in "Of Mice and Men." As is my practice, a ritual developed around the show for me - I won't get intot he philosophy of that here, though it may be worth commentiing upon at another time. In this case the ritual included walking each night to the theatre - about a 45 minute trip across town (as it turned out, usually in the pouring rain). I was going to need some music for the trip. The very first night, I stopped at a store to choose the disc that would be my ritual disc for the trip. It turned out to be a really easy selection. The thin edge of the wedge was already in. When I saw Springsteen's Greatest Hits disc on the shelf I knew that it was the appropriate choice - after all, the RATM song that I had liked had been "The Ghost of Tom Joad", so there was an obvious Steinbeck connection. That and the additional ties between Americana and my own developing musical tastes made it a shoe in.

Within a few months I also owned a copy of "Live in New York City." And within another year I pretty much owned his entire catalogue.

He remains one of the best song writers of the past fifty years, and proves it album after album. When his latest single was relased, Radio Nowhere, I was stunned that a man approaching retirement age could rock that hard.

Last week - a week ago tonight, in fact. I recieved a phone call from my friend Mark asking if I was a fan. I told him that I was and he asked me to come use his extra concert ticket. It didn't take any real provocation.

The concert was spectacular. He opened with my favourite song, 'Atlantic City', moved on to the hard rocking 'Radio Nowhere' and just kept on killing. During those first few songs I thought to myself that Bruce was looking his age, but 3 hours later he was looking a lot closer to the 35 years old he was back when he recorded the 'obscure outtake from Born in the USA', that they played for allegedly the first time ever live.
The raw energy of his performance was inspiring - and is legendary. On top of that, the nine members of the E-Street band make up a wicked group of musiciians who have been playing together for around 40 years... is it any wonder that they can turn a relatively sedate gospel-blues number like Reason to Believe into something that had more in common with heavy metal, with The Boss literally screaming through his harmonica (which was sonically awe inspiring, and something he apparently started doing after the best clip I could find of the song in concert).

I have only ever been to one other concert where there was such an air of mutual belonging. As Mark said, this show 'wasn't a concert so much as a revival.' The house was packed with true believers, and any doubt as to why they felt that way would have been put to rest long before the crowd leapt (and admittedly in come cases creaked) to it's feet for the opening chords of 'Born to Run'.

A week later I still have "The River" pleasantly coursing it's sad path through through my skull. It was amazing.

Defending the Music XX: How Long to Sing Their Song..?

I've been putting this off.

I was waiting for something specific to happen. Something relating to the band I'm dealing with in this post, but then the night it was supposed to happen (night before last) it was totally upstaged by something relating to the artist I've been saving for last! So I figure that it's shit or get off the pot time for both artists...

First up - U2.

Yeah, they are almost too easy a choice. But I do get to genuinely make the claim that I was a fan before they became huge.

I recall sitting on my friend Scott's bed when he snuck into his sister's room to borrow a record (you know records - those big black CDs with two sides) and put it on the stereo... the first U2 song I ever heard was Sunday Bloody Sunday. That strident riff permanently seared upon my ears.
I remained aware of U2 over the next year or two, even though I didn't really emotionally tie myself to them until the night of my senior prom.
I was a big fan of The Cult. Electric was released the same week as The Joshua Tree. I bought them both. For the next two weeks I listened to Electric non-stop and never cracked the U2 album. I don't recall what it was that finally inspired me to listen to it, but that evening as I was getting ready I pulled out the cassette and put it my bedroom deck. Before Bono's vocals on Where the Streets Have No Name cut in, I had sunk into my bed, rapt. I quit getting ready and simply listened to the entire first side. It was a life changing moment. As I drove out of the driveway (late) to pick up Shannon, my girlfriend, With or Without You came on the radio. It played again that night at the dance. There's no doubt that a moment in time can profoundly tie the music you hear to it and make it special, and perhaps that happened that night to some degree, but that first listen was so profound - the rest was just gravy. To this day, The Joshua Tree is my number one desert island disc. It is music as vast as the space between here and their Dublin home.

Six months later I was at BC Place with 50000 other true believers watching the best concert I have ever seen. The less than three days before had been the Enniskillen Bombing. If you've seen Rattle and Hum, the footage of Sunday Bloody Sunday was filmed the night of the bombing. They were still four extremely angry Irishmen the night I saw them. I'm betting that at that point in their career they had played few concerts that were more intense. It was awe inspiring.

Now, over twenty years later, they have managed to remain relevant. Not to say that they haven't had worrisome low-points (Pop, I'm looking at you.) but even those have grown on me, and they also allowed the band to rise again.

Never satisfied to rest upon their laurels they've constantly tweaked and updated their sound and techniques, and as amazing as anything else they are still the same four guys that started the band together in 1976. Their ability to put new songs into heavy rotation after being indoctrinated into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (something a band isn't even eligible for until they've been recording for twenty five years) makes the claims of a certain other self-proclaimed "Greatest Band on Earth" laughable. Here is their R&RHoF induction - it's wicked, and The Boss does a better job of canonizing them than I can. Trying, would just be embarrasing, I'll let him do my work for me: Part 1, Part 2, Bono's Acceptance, Adam's Acceptance, Vertigo & Larry's Acceptance, Edge's Acceptance & Still Haven't Found....

Indeed, with the way music has fractured (not a bad thing), U2 may well be the last band to ever unequivocably be the best. No doubt they always will be my best.

They are so huge, that there is a separate line item in the Irish revenue service's budget just for taxes collected from U2.

I could go on ad nauseum itemizing their achievements, but this is not intended to be a history. Leave that to Behind the Music, so let's skip to the recent past and glance a little ways back and project a bit forward.

A month or so ago I saw their new concert movie - U23D. It was amazing. This was the material 3D was made for. Sonically it is spectacular. These guys still put on an amazing concert. Additionally, the director of the film knew enough to put hte 3D camera in places where we'd get to see things which we normally don't. Seeing the crowd amorphously jump up and down in time ot the music from just about their heads was very cool in 3D - which really played up the speed of sound, as the crowd didn't actually jump as one, but in visible ripples towards the back of the stadium. But the most amazing technical sight was a lens flare in 3D. We do not naturally see lens flare with the naked eye, so we don't typically get to experience it with our binocular vision. All we ever see is the flattened version on a normal movie screen... but not this time. 3D lens flare is one of the first sights in the film. It's mind blowing. And it sets the stage for what follows.

U23D should do for Love and Peace or Else, what Live Aid did for Bad - make the song a career-classic.

A new album is on the way. It's been a while since they've fallen flat on their faces, so I'm prepared for that. But I have little doubt that like Pop and Rattle and (Ho) Hum before it, even if it is a disappointment, there will be diamonds in the ashes, even if it takes some digging to find them

It's been nearly 21 years since I first started considering the message, and I keep finding new depths to it. I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For is a manifesto to celebrate. U2, despite their outrageous success, continue to appreciate the journey and may they never content themselves with a destination. I aim to live my life the same way.

"Expelled" Exposed

Not a lot to say here.

Just making sure anyone who might be interested in this clearing house of information on rectifying the misconceptions perpetuated by the film 'Expelled' (Sub-titled 'No Intelligence Allowed' without a hint of irony.) had a chance to find it easily.

http://www.expelledexposed.com/

Gawd bless Eugenie Scott.

A Snack & A Half of Irony - Intelligent Design, Hypocrisy & Hilarity

Have you heard about 'Expelled'? The new film featuring Ben Stein (yes, he of the vast vats of trivial knowledge with which he defended his vast vats of money.)

It's a film pushing the Intelligent Design agenda.

A quick primer on Intelligent Design: It's the evolution of Creationism.
Essentially I.D. claims that life as we know it could not possibly be a random occurence thus it must have been designed by a greater intelligence. I'm not going to get into the details here it has been done elsewhere better than I can do. But I will state my opinion - which happens to align perfectly with the evidence. I.D. is a complete load of anti-scientific bullshit.
The most genuinely intelligent thing about I.D. is it's tactic. It IS creationsim. Do not be fooled. It claims to be science, but it's actual claims fail to adhere to the actual scientific method... let alone the facts. Creationists are using I.D. as a wedge into science education, and for the most part is is failing, but it is putting up a good fight.
You may recall a movement (which failed) to have creation taught in schools - PUBLIC schools - and presented in hte name of fairness as an alternate theory as to how we got here. The fairness argument went a LONG way. It appealed to a lot of people (myself included at one time) who don't believe in the bible's version of creation, but who do ultimately believe in a fair playing filed and letting people make up thier own minds. But here's the thing... it is NOT science. It is not falsifiable, it is not a self-correcting process, it does not make measurable predictions with any reliabilty. Therefore it CAN NOT be taught as science. Fine, offer a theology class in public schools, that's all dandy, I have little doubt that Evolution won't be allowed in the door. We don't teach math in drama classes, we don't allow french-horns from band into french classes, despite the common word. And thus, dressing creationism up and giving it a scientifically appealling name should not mean it is allowed in science classes.
That's the basic issue with I.D. It's a tactic, more than any kind of real movement. It is creationism - though they've tried very hard not to admit it (and again have failed, there were bound to be loose lips). It didn't have much of a chance really before people started to recognise it for what it was. But folks are cottoning on. And it's been happening quickly really. I don't mean that people are beginning to tear apart I.D.s claims - that happened almost the very second a the first scientist caught wind of it. What is happening is that the word is getting around.

I.D. lost a very important battle two years ago - the infamous Dover case. Kind of the monkey-trial of it's day... except that this time science won.

So the argument has come around that I.D. is not getting it's fair chance to be heard. It is being oppressed. It's voice is squelched by those mean and nasty rational thinkers. And THAT is what 'Expelled' is apparently about. How an apparently smart guy like Ben Stein ended up on the wrong side of this issue, I do not know. But it sure is disappointing. I suppose it was inevitable really. All the I.D. lobby had to do was search until they found themselves someone who has a reputation as being smart to be their champion. Too bad for Ben Stein they found him first - now he's losing cred as a smart guy. He's instantly regulated himself to the bargain bin of intellectuals. He is now little more than a game show host and 'that guy from Ferris Buehler.'

I need to take a moment to declare that I have yet to see 'Expelled.' I cannot really speak to it directly. But I don't have to in order to get to my final point. I have every intention of seeing 'Expelled' for the record. I want to know what I am talking about when I rant beyond the scope of this post. I want to make something known though... there is NO WAY IN (non-existent) HELL that I will pay to see this movie. They are not getting my money for their crappy bullshit cause. Buy I absolutely will bit-torrent it first chance I get. (Note: Bit-torrenting is wrong. Do not do it. It is stealing. I am in no way recommending the bit-torrenting of movies - except this one. And I would never bit-torrent a movie - except this one. Do not bit-torrent movies - expect this one... and only then if you, like me, have some kind of intellectual need to see it and an aversion to putting money in the producer's pockets.)

Okay...

So, believe it or not, that was all set up.

I recently found this blog post my PZ Myers. I recommend you read it yourself (and the post that followed it.) rather than take my summary, but that won't stop me from summarizing.

PZ - atheist blogger - was actually interviewed for 'Expelled.' Last night he went to a screening of it in Minneapolis with his family and friends. The producers noted this and had him removed from the premises... with the threat of arrest - presumably assuming he was there to make a stink of some sort with his posse. Now, that's kind of ironic - the movie they made to protest the oppression of their own voice, and called 'Expelled' - they prevented a vocal atheist from seeing for fear that he might voice his opinion... they expelled him. Just him. No one else in his group. His family and his friends all got into the movie without issue.

But wait! There's more!

Amongst PZ's friends who he came with.... the mac-daddy of modern atheistic philosophy and activism - RICHARD DAWKINS, author of 'The God Delusion.'
They let Richard Dawkins in without even realizing who he was. Fucking awesome. And utterly un-'Intelligent.'

Allies III - Anonymous

A short post this time.

Time to catch my number of declared Allies up with the Enemies... though I do have a few enemies ready to add when I feel a burning desire to post them. C'mon ya bastards! Push my buttons!

Meantime...

My last Enemy was Scientology largely for their actions of having the now infamous Tom Cruise video removed from the internet. Old news now, but I was not alone in my outrage.

The group Anonymous has led the charge. While I haven't participated in their actions, I am on their side and someday I expect I will be among the legion.

Worth adding... Jay Novella, co-host of the Skeptic's Guide (the podcast produced by the NESS, my last declared ally) has made no secret of the fact that Tom Cruise is his least favourite person on the planet... not that he (unlike Scientologists) knows anyone who hasn't spent the vast majority of his life on the planet.

The Dilution of the World's Knowledge Base By the Crassest Form of Commerce

The internet is being diluted by bottom-feeding commercial ventures known as ‘affiliate marketing.’

Perhaps you are aware of it. Perhaps this is the first you’ve heard of it.
For the past 18 months I’ve been surrounded by it.

I work in an office where people have time – even are encouraged – to pursue additional projects outside of our business in tandem with their daily paid work.
Eighteen months ago two brothers who work in my office began evangelizing about how they were going to make a bajillion dollars and retire by age thirty. They had by sheer luck stumbled upon affiliate marketing and were going to use it to make their fortune.

They tried to recruit me to the notion too, but I was up to my ears in making a movie – something which in theory could actually make me my fortune, but more importantly was something that I was actually interested in spending my time doing, to the degree that even if I NEVER make a fortune at it, I’ll be happy to keep at it and never retire. Admittedly, my contempt had already begun.

So, what is Affiliate Marketing?
It sounds kind of like multi-level marketing – which calls up specters of Pyramid Schemes doesn’t it?
To the best of my understanding it falls short of being that loathsome, but it’s social affects are at least as insidious.

In short, how A.M. works is that you, the Affiliate Marketer picks a product.
It could be something semi-specific like Barbecue Equipment; or it could be something very specific like Coleman Barbecues. In any case it seems that you need to pick fairly specific items in order to be successful. “Food” is simply too broad.
You build a website about your product and utilize various techniques to ‘optimize’ how various search engines (Google being the Holy Grail) perceive your website. The hope is to make sure that any time anyone does a search for any of a number of related words that your site comes up on the first page of results – preferably as the number one hit.
There are various techniques for accomplishing this goal, all of which essentially centre upon taking advantage of the algorithms Google (and others) use to rank their pages. With your site optimized, you then (in tandem actually, but for simplicity lets pretend that these things happen in sequence) add a Google AdSense account to your page with all the ads tailored to the product category in question. But the real kicker is, you also source out merchants who offer kickbacks to anyone who essentially recommends their product on the web. Essentially you put links to their websites on yours and anyone who ‘clicks through’ to their site from yours and buys a product (sometimes just getting people to their site is worth money to you) puts a portion of the money spent in your account. The amount of money varies and there are other factors which I am leaving out for simplicity.

Let me be clear. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. This is perfectly good commerce on the surface.

For the people who began this form of marketing in the first place it was practically free money. They were able to create sites about items that paid big money for referrals and click-through sales. (Credit Cards and Porn are VERY high on this list.) They were also able to corner the market on maximizing the relevant words. They made metric fuck-tons of money for very little work. I think they actually probably had to burn money ‘cause they ran out of places to put it. But there is a law of diminishing returns as all the best products and words get used up and competition rises for all search words. More than anything, the competition has made it so that the days of building a site and walking away from it while it makes you oodles of cash are over. You need to constantly be updating, always trying to stay ahead of the competition for your words and always adjusting to the tweaks in the Google ranking system.

For at least nine months the boys struggled, hoping that through sheer force of will they would soon ‘rank-up’ for their selected product. They did see gradual advances, and a trickle of money. But the amount of time they were investing was grossly out of proportion to the cash they made. They were (understandably) losing faith.
I honestly don’t know what they did that changed their fates – I just haven’t ever listened closely enough when it has come up. I’m not prone to deliberate eavesdropping, but we’re all in the same room and sometimes the conversations get… loud and unavoidable. In any case one day everything changed. They had been on the admitted verge of giving up. They had tried everything it seemed.
With only a few tricks left in the bag they came upon a tactic which worked.
Suddenly they were on the first page for Google and Yahoo. I think they were even the number one hit for many of their words – though I’m not certain.

Suddenly they were making enough money that it actually made sense to be putting time into the project. (Still not a job I could be bothered with as I, for one, have always felt like I had a higher calling in my art, money or no.) And in very short order it caught on in the office. There are now no less than five people in the office building their sites to make their millions. As friends I do wish them well, but all the discussion (apart from being painfully boring to me) has illuminated the uglier side of the business. I don’t know that there is anything that can be done, but if more people have it in mind, then more can be thinking in terms of opposition to it.

The competition in the A.M. industry is diluting the internet.

Here is what happens.

One of the best ways to get search engine ranking is to develop links from and to other sites… the search engines can’t distinguish between a site that is yours or a site that is someone else’s – so it doesn’t really matter whose site it is. Blogs – especially well read ones – get plenty of links to them.
People link to their articles on Digg or Delicious or Stumble Upon or their own blogs or whatever.

So, I want to boost the traffic to my affiliate site on Barbecues. I write an article in my blog. I link to my site. (Or perhaps the Blog IS my site.) I also Digg myself on Digg and the other social bookmarking sites. If things go well, other people do too. I may even PAY people to link to my article. This is all technically legit, but it is delving into the realm of morally dubious.

Tomorrow I write another article, and I link to the first article – as well as all the linking I did in the first case. The next day I do it again. But perhaps I’m not really a writer – perhaps I don’t even really care about Barbecues (they are just a means to an end for me) and can’t even put my heart into writing a lame article every day (or even every week or so). So I take an old article and ‘re-write it.’ In this case, by ‘re-writing’ I mean I do a find/replace command on the article and my article about broiling t-bone steaks is now about broiling chuck steaks. Sure there are differences in technique, but they’re going to be nominal right? They’re both steaks! But then a month down the road, I’m feeling lazy again (or, as this is human nature we are talking about here, “lazier.”) so I replace “Chuck steaks” with hamburger patties. (After all they are both cow. Right?) The next month the article is about cooking salmon steaks – they’re both steaks, right? The next month; chicken – it’s all meat, after all. And so on.
This is clearly just propagating bad information now. Reductio ad absurdum you can soon enough be “writing” articles about barbecuing play-doh patties.

But there’s another technique which can not only lead down the same road, but is actually bad bad bad form. These ‘writers’ (and if they really were writers they would understand the crime (literal or figurative) of this) will find articles related to their products elsewhere on line (possibly even from other A.M. sites) and ‘re-write’ them using the same techniques. If you have made money as a writer, you probably just gasped in horror. Not only have I been in the room to hear the planning of this kind of plagiarism, I actually know someone to whom it has happened. When it happened right in front of me I couldn’t believe my ears! I am patiently waiting for it to happen again so I will have a fresh example in front of me so I can verbally rake the perp across the coals in a polite and well-considered way, with his crime staring him back in the face from his computer screen.

Let it be said – there ARE sites out there that are A.M. based businesses which are regularly disseminating good information. But they are outnumbered by the ‘bad ones’ and the bad sites are growing in number. I see it all the time where simple Google searches bring me to pages filled with information which is at best written by someone who could care less, and often severely faulty.
More and more the bad sites are better optimized for their relevant search words – ‘cause THAT is what the operators are spending their time doing.
People publishing good information are spending their time researching and writing relevant material.

It makes me mad and I wish there was a good answer to this. I suspect there isn’t. Commerce will rule the day, and the good information on the internet will continue to be diluted by dollar-hungry scum-bags who in many cases don’t even realize that they are behaving like scum bags.

Defending the Music XIX: Disappointing you is getting me down.

Down to the last three.

This one is practically a given for a Canadian my age... though simply saying that is likely enough to elicit a tidal wave of denial. Certainly there is a significant segement of the population who is in denial about thier love of The Hip. Okay, that's not fair. What there is is a segment of the population who are either deliberately contrary, or whose taste is significantly out of whack with the popular taste of their countrymen. More power to them.

I've already done quite a discussion of my discovery of the Hip and how it affected my life, so this will be kinda short.

What is it about the Hip that makes them so enduring? Well, I do generally like their music - have since the very first listen. But it's the live experience that elevates them to a level of musical divinity. I've seen them five times in concert. Four of them rank amongst the best concerts I've ever seen. I don't know that it's something that traslates any way except in person.

Foremost in the live Hip experience is Gord Downie's stream of conscious rambling. I could recite word for word long strings of verbal effluvia that have excaped his mouth at concerts I've been to. The most famous example is the so called 'Killer Whale' monologue. Too bad it wasn't caught on video as well.

There is probably something perverse that bolsters the love of the Hip in that they are 'ours', by which I mean I'm kind of proud they never really broke in the U.S. They're more special as our secret. I've kind of made similar comments in other installments - how there is something less special in a way about the bands that have gone big. This one just happens to be additionally tied up in national pride. There is no doubt that the Tragically Hip's music is inextricably entwined with the Canadian experience. Gord Downie's poetic reference set is unapologetic in it's Canuck affiliation. We love him for it. Some day he ought to be our official poet laureate, not just the populist one.

The last line of Ahead by a Century stands as the single most affect lyric ever for me. I had experienced that feelsing, but never had the words by which to express it. The first time I heard the song, that last line cut me to my soul. I know I'm not the only one. It's that universal, and if there is no other example of genius in Gord Downie, he will always have 'Disappointing you is getting me down.'

On top of it all, I've got an amusing tale about flirting inadvertently with Paul Langois' wife at the Kingston Busker's festival. For the record, it was clear that she thought it was quaint - when I realised who she was with, it became apparent why... not to mention I was practically a kid.

An Open Letter to Ralph Nader

Dude! Please!

Are not the last eight years of history enough? Or have you completely forgotten that if you had not run in 2000 there would have been an entirely different president (and party) in the White House for no less than four of the past four years - arguably the most critical of those four years, no less.

"So?"

That type of question hardly warrants a response. Perhaps you haven't read a newspaper in the past 78 months, but the corrupt fuckwad who stole the office in 2000 has made a real hash of things since... you did read about the events of that sunny Tuesday in New York one September, right?

I challenge you to put together a list of positive gains that have come from a result of your act of diluting the votes of the Dem's in 2000. Here I'll even give you a bit of help: Al Gore won an Oscar last year. (C'mon, you ought to be able to come up with one more - I'll give you a hint, it also involves Al Gore having more time on his hands than he would have as President and thus winning an award of some significance.)
Okay, now does anything on that list come close to matching the other side of that coin?
That being: Throwing the world into further religious and political instability and putting your own country into financial ruin in the course?

"Oh yes, but this is different. Not even the Republicans would vote for a candidate as right-wing as GWB this time around. How do you think John McCain became the apparent nominee?"

You're missing the point. Even I agree that when it comes to Elephants, McCain is about as good as it gets - you are right that is how he managed to get to where he is and he has the current climate to thank... I guess you could say he has you to thank. I 'get' that you think that there is political value in a third candidate - an option. I totally believe in a 3+ party system. I think it works quite well for us in Canada... and our third party is WAY closer to having a snowball's chance than your independent ass.
But as 'decent' an option as McCain is, your country NEEDS to change. The Democrats are already hell bent on leveling the playing field. Perhaps no one has pointed this out to you, but they're taking advantage of the nearly sure-fire-win situation that they are in and are on the verge of nominating either a woman, or a black man (and it's really looking like it's the latter). The Republicans have fucked things up so much that the Dem's feel totally comfortable taking an apparent surefire win and making a bit of a race of it by putting a historically earth shattering candidate up for the big office.
So let's look at this...
The Republicans are putting up a guy so moderate he's practically a Democrat on some issues.
The Democrats are, one way or the other, going for the hail mary.
There might actually be a race going on here as a result.
What if that race is as close as 2000? What IF Ralph?

I've Never Wanted to See a Movie so Badly

This reviewer does the best job ever of making me want to see a film.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EBM854BTGL0

Defending the Music XVIII: Seems a Million Miles Away but it Gets a Little Closer Every Day

I had to miss the concert. It was the only reasonable course. I had tickets. It was the first stadium concert in twenty years. I had even did back-flips to arrange the best possible chance to be able to go... but when the time came I was too tired and had too far to go to complete my task and at too great stakes to risk the additional exhaustion of seeing one of my favourite bands of all time live... for possibly the only time in my life...

When I first saw the video for Every Breath You Take, I already recognised that The Police were an established band of note though I couldn't name any of their songs (though it would turn out I did know a few already.) I was taken in my the compellingly moody single instantly. It wasn't even the coolest video to come off the album.

I think I actually got Synchronicity through the Columbia House music club - which in those days was a 4-6 weeks 'til delievery kind of affair, a seeming enternity compared to the Amazon.com 4 business days of today.

I loved the album, but Demetri... I think it's safe to say that that album changed his life. Demetri became a lifelong Police fan, and as one of my best childhood friends, he brought the rest of the Police albums into my life.

Five albums seems like such a rip-off. We only got five from one of the best trios ever put together.
Sting: This guy started his career as one of the greatest song-writers in rock history... and there is only one direction to go from there. His time with the Police produced several dozen of the most perfectly crafted songs ever. Paul McCartney personally thanked him for writing a perfect bass-line for Walking on the Moon. Sting's solo career however fell victim to the law of diminishing returns. Dream of the Blue Turtles is a masterwork. Nothing Like the Sun has masterworks on it. Soul Cages has a masterwork on it. After that his career becomes a scattering of moderate accomplishments floating amongst a sea of noodling pretentious mediocre MoR.
Stewart Copeland: Watching Live in Atlanta more than a decade after it had been released, I found myself entranced by Stewart Copeland's performance. His rhythmic texturing made the Police what they were - not to detract from either of his compatriots prowess. He's fucking brilliant. After watching that video I wrote an email to Demetri expressing my appreciation for Stewart Copeland in a way I have never managed to recapture the effectiveness of.
Andy Summers: When they formed the Police, Andy Summers was already a London Club Act legend. He was the guy who lost out to Ron Wood as Mick Taylor's replacement (Oh how different music history would have been!) in The Rolling Stones - but clearly Keith Richards wasn't going to allow himself to be upstaged by the gargantuan talent of Summers. (Yeah, bring it on Stones fans, I have nothing but contempt for the three chords your boys have never wavered from at tedium.) Put it this way, when Summers agreed to be the senior member of the police, Sting and Stewart, went all fanboy.

When a year ago a reunion tour was announced, I went all fanboy. Demetri went all fanboy. We went and paid the extra cost necessary to get advance tickets through Best Buy with our other friend David. Demetri made plans to fly from London England to Vancouver in order to see the first Police concert in what might have well have been ever in our lives.

Then life started to interfere.

My film, Beast of Bottomless Lake was necessarily scheduled to overlap with the concert. Our schedule quivered back and forth right up until the end, and in the end I arrived back from the Okanagan the day before the concert, exhausted and already on the verge of an exhaustion triggered illness I would have been borderline... but something had also come up for Demetri. He couldn't make it either. That pretty much did it for me. Being there without him seemed to me like it would have been awkwardly hollow. I felt like I would have been betraying him.

I admit I really wish I could have seen the Police, and the fact that technically I could have made it makes it a real question, but given the same choice under the same circumstances I would take the same option - regretfully missing one of the most anticipated concerts of my life. The additional stakes were simply too high.

Demetri did eventually get to see the Police. If I get a second chance, I figure I'll take it.

Greatest SNL Sketch Ever

To be fair, there are a LOT of potential best-SNL-sketches-ever. This is merely one of my favourites. I wish I could find it somewhere on line. It's at least as remarkable as it stands out in an episode chock-full of unusually funny sketches with a guest who by all rights ought to be totally tepid - Chris Evert Lloyd.

I think this is a case where the script itself carries most of the hilarity... or perhaps it's just that I have the benefit of carrying a fairly crystal clear image of the sketch in my mind's eye. The basic conceit is Mike Meyers is an executive for Columbia Picutres which has just been acquired by a Japanese media conglomerate and he is very excited to tell us about their new programming....







[Tatsuo sits at desk. behind him are posters of Columbia Pictures films]

Tatsuo Nosaka: Hello, my name is Tatsuo Nosaka, I am new president of Columbia Pictures. I want to take opportunity to tell American people, we understand what you like! We are working hard to make many new films and television shows for you to consume. In fact, we have just finished new situation comedy for American TV audience. It is crazy and out to lunch! It is called "The Nude House Of Wacky People." Here are some scenes:

[Stock footage of a car wiping out and hurtling down a cliff. Inset circle of Tatsuo narrating]

Here is the father coming home from work with many American hamburgers for the family. He is driving so crazy it makes me laugh! Oh, no! He is crashing so much I have to laugh again! This is too much for me to look at and yet somehow I want to watch more!

[Sitcom living room. The father carries an armload of hamburgers through the front door]

Here is the father again, trying to carry the hamburgers home. Maybe he should carry the car it is so small by now!

[doorbell rings]

Oh, no! How much more insane can it get, I am wondering also.

[Father opens door. Bear enters & immediately attacks Father.]

A bear? How did he get there? There is no time for wondering, because the father is already fighting the bear! Then the bear leaves.

[The bear does indeed stop fighting and walks calmly out the door.]

Whew! Could we please stop now because it is so insane? No, we cannot!

[Wacky mother descends staircase]

Uh-oh, here comes the mother! She is asking the father why the hamburgers smell like a car that has crashed. He tries to think of a falsehood, but he cannot! So he throws fudge at her!

[Father throws a handful of fudge at mother. Bear enters from front door]

Then the bear comes back for more fighting!

[Fight continues]

This is so unusual, I might have to lose my mind! This family is too eccentric!

[Bear calmly leaves again]

I am glad it's over.

[The two children come down the stairs]

Hey! Here are the children of the wacky family! "Thank you for so many hamburgers," they say! "Ohhhh," says the father, "you cannot have hamburgers or candy canes until you do your homework!" "But we have no homework," say the children. "No homework?" Says the wacky father, "Then you will have to fight the bear!"

[Father opens the door for the Bear, who now fights with all four family members.]

I hope you have enjoyed these scenes from "The Nude House of Wacky People," Coming in January on CBS! If these pictures have not already convinced you how insane it is, then how about this?

[a green, dollar-sign-festooned show ribbon appears with Ronald Reagan's face inside]

That is right, it is the Ron Reagan United States presidential seal of approval!

Ronald Reagan: The Nude House Of Wacky People is just the kind of wholesome family entertainment that Japan is known for. Nancy loves it too!

Tatsuo Nosaka: And, don't forget our other new shows, such as:

[Appropriate title card appears for each show]

"You Can't Stop Him, He's Too Insane!"

"Good Hitting Police,"

and, "Who Can Figure Out Such Devices?"

If I am not mistaken, they will all drive you into a gourd! Later, dudes!

[fade to black]

Defending the Music XVII: I don't have a gun...

Kind of got knocked off the flow for a bit there. But I'm in the home stretch.

I've got to say that I've actually said plenty about each of the remaining artists at some time or another and part of the stall has been me struggling against the probability of repeating myself - not to mention the heaps of other writing that has been done about each of them.

I've already written about the quite powerful musical moment in my life where Nirvana screamed onto the scene and I realized that 'every thing has changed' and I won't retread that here.

So, what was it about Nirvana that spoke so directly to such a huge swath of people? And my HUGE I mean that they were one of the last bands (none after it spring to mind, though I'd be interested in hearing nominations for challengers) to ever manage to reach the vast majority of an entire generation. They were the first triple platinum punk band.

It had been a long time since music had so completely tapped into the emotional zeitgeist of the youth culture when it was in a volatile state. Which is not to say that there wasn't a voice for the disenfranchised between the summer of love and 1992. It's not to say that there wasn't music that stood up and demanded that it's point be heard. It's not to say that there was no cathartic vent for generational anger fuelled by three chords. But no one quite brought it together the way Kurt Cobain did on Nevermind.
And yet, what was he ever saying? No, I don't mean in a Weird 'Al' Smells like Nirvana way. I mean that even when you looked at the lyrics you often got the feeling that they most likely only ever made sense to Kurt. And THAT meant something. We were a generation without meaning and we knew it - the tiresome analysis by the Boomers of our place, threw it in our face (is it any wonder I have such contempt for the Beatles?). And the irony was that instead of making us pointless it wound us up to a fever pitch. "Fuck you. We're going to matter." We cried. Now, with the youngest of us on the back end of our thirties, I'd like to think we managed it, and I'd also like to think that our greatest days are still ahead.

It was so incredibly visceral, and in their brief heyday they proved that they were not a one trick pony. The Nirvana Unplugged album is one of the better and best selling Unplugged albums MTV ever released.

When Kurt died, (Leaving us one of music's most ironic lyrics behind in Come as You Are. Other contenders being the Who for My Generation and Amy Winehouse for Rehab. (Wow, I just ruined a sober point with a leavening paranthetical.)) it truly felt like something was lost. We lost a voice and we lost a future of music which would have been fascinating to watch unfold - even, if like so many artists all he could manage to do was to disappoint us (Sting, I'm looking at YOU!) But then again... perhaps Dave Grohl might have taken more of a part in the writing, and gawd knows he's proven himself.

Defending the Music XVI: We are Widening the Corridors and Adding More Lanes

There seems to be two very distinct camps on this band (discounting the third whose response is 'who?') there are those who rabidly love them and those who seem to think "Really? They're the most personality-less band ever." I generally pitch my tent in the first camp - but, like the Pixies, seeing them in concert was a big let-down.

John McRea has precisely four bits of stage business. And as he uses an average of two of them in the course of each song, they get old real quick-like. It was the first and only time I ever had front row tickets, and as much as that was cool, it wasn't enough to elevate the rather tepid performance to anything remotely approximating inspiring.

So how, in the light of that, does Cake rise above the chaff to earn a place amongst my all-time favourite bands? Pure quirk. What some see as a lack of personality comes across as entirely the opposite to those of us who are true believers? It seems so. Their sound is so distinctive. John McRea's detached sounding vocals, Vincent DiFiore's trumpet... even the revolving door of lead guitarists (actually there aren't anywhere the number of lead guitarists that there have been either bassists or drummers) find a unified sound somewhere in the middle of their audio palette. Cake songs sound like Cake songs, but they breadth of their style extends from country to disco to hard rock. It may be that Cake are too cool for their own good and their sense of hip comes across as smug aloofness... and I suppose I can see how that might be off-putting.

I'll admit that it's tough to defend Cake on any specific basis. I figure you either love 'em or you don't. If they've accomplished nothing else in this world, their irony dripping cover version made it acceptable for straight guys to sing "I Will Survive." The fact that their song "Short Skirt/Long Jacket" is the theme song for the hit geek-chic spy-comedy-adventure "Chuck" is testament to their arrival in the eschelons of the eternally cool.

Defending the Music XV: Save the Shame for Me

Marquetta didn’t turn me on to R.E.M. but she played me more R.E.M. albums than I had previously heard. At that time I had pretty much only heard the ‘Document’ album, with its muscular-sounding iconic ode to using and discarding lover after lover (or at least loved one after loved one), “The One I Love,” and luckily some other boob had made an ass of himself by calling them “Rem” in my presence before I said it out loud myself – to the mockery of other college rock fans in the room. Boy did HE look dumb. (To be fair, at some other point I declared my appreciation for a band I referred to once and once only out-loud as ‘Inks.’)

Pete Buck’s unique guitar style – he is one of the few guitarists in popular music in the latter half of the 20th C. to finger-pick as a habit – made the simple repeated riff that drives the song snag into my brain. It was catchier than any lyric that had ever come before it. The plaintive one-word chorus was wrought with guilty self-hating angst… Fuck, how could an 18 year old not love this? At first, the repeated verse seemed unimaginative. But I forgave it long enough to understand it. The repetition, it turns out was a little bit of genius. This abuse – getting what one needs and moving on, is a serial habit, to the point where one victim is no different from the last.

Here is the true magic of R.E.M. Michael Stipe’s lyrics are not merely art. They often rise to the level of high-art, being structurally sound in support of their meaning and imagery.

Douglas Coupland spawned a Gen-X trend by declaring in his seminal (and frankly rather boring) novel that countless numbers of us had memorized the lyrics to “It’s the End of the World as We Know it.” (Which is no mean feat. Just try and get them all straight!) But here’s the thing… he didn’t make it up out of whole cloth. He was merely acknowledging a genuine trend. I don’t believe it was a fad until he mentioned it. I memorized them before I had read the book because of the combined challenge and the compelling nature of the screed of stream of consciousness that it represented.

And this was all before they put it out of the park.

The Juanabees used “Losing My Religion” as the theme-song to our first show ‘We Juanabee Bigger than Jesus’ (of which religion was a major theme). By the end of that summer I would have been happy if I never heard that song again. I’ve gotten over than feeling in the intervening 16 years. It’s that good a song.

In the years that I was making beer-money busking in ‘The Wookie Co.’ with Matthew we made liberal use of R.E.M. songs. Once, pretty much as a joke, we played “Superman” (Which to be fair was a cover.) for an entire set at the Kingston Buskers’ Festival. We didn’t make much money in that set, but damn did we amuse ourselves. We had a lousy location with mediocre walk-by traffic, and from a previous set in the same place we’d found that no-one seemed compelled to stop and listen to our ‘witty banter’ at that location (honest to god, they did in other locations) due largely to a lack of decent seating for a ‘starter crowd’ to begin forming. (Funny. People will happily stand once others have started watching and listening, but try and get the first person to stay without somewhere to sit.) We figured that if people were only going to be listening for the 90 seconds it took to walk past that we may as well only play one song. Later we were told by someone who had been listening across the street that they were at first confused that we just kept on playing the same thing, then they got tired of it and bored, then a bit annoyed and eventually came to find it funny. Looooong way to go for such a high-concept joke.

We also used “Me in Honey” & “You are the Everything” to great end. …Though we never played either of them for forty five minutes straight. “You are the Everything” was one of the few songs we never made light of and actually played quite straight. It was always one of our favourites. “Me in Honey” remains one of the most heartbreaking songs ever for me.

I gotta admit that from “Monster” onwards I felt like R.E.M. was only firing on half its cylinders. But even a half-functional R.E.M. was better than most bands ever were. They remain capable of creating songs that are pure art, and stringing five of the best albums of my lifetime back to back is more than enough to earn my unflinching trust in their abilities. I’m looking forward to their first album in four years sometime in April. I’m harbouring hopes that they’ll have had a good port-polish and that engine will be putting out a full horse-power.


Oh, and in the off chance J. David ever reads this… Yes, your version of ‘Stand’ remains one of the funniest Karaoke incidents ever.

Defending the Music XIV: The Bombs Never Hit You When You're Down So Low

Hitting the home stretch now, the last eight of twenty-one. I've saved my two all-time favourites for the back-end, and I've already done all the artists that I'd consider to be the least of the best. I did a few bands early on that sit amongst the absolute cream, but from here on out that's all there is. Stuff I really really love.

I figure that of the eight artists left I'll start with the two that I fell the least responsible for my own appreciation of. Two bands that friends pestered me into liking. And obviously they were right. I love both these groups. I'll tackle them chronologically.

The first one I have Jason and Paul to blame for, but it my first experience with the band was with a girl.

I hadn't even heard of Midnight Oil before Marquetta had a crush on me. Back in first year university, my only year in residence, a girl from a building across the quad had a big crush on me. It was kind of unfortunate really. She was cute and I'm betting that a few more years of maturing would have made her gorgeous in a sexy-librarian kind of way. She was cool and I really enjoyed hanging out with her - good thing as she knocked on my door practically every day. But she just wasn't 'my type.' One thing she was really great at was identifying music that I would like. She turned me towards a number of bands - one other of which is yet to come on this list - which were 'alternative' when that still meant something which have gone on to major mainstream success. One related thing that connected us (and this is going to date me) is that we were the only two people we knew with those new-fangled CD players.
One day Marquetta brought over 'Diesel & Dust.' "Listen to this. You'll like it." Damned if she wasn't right.
I didn't really pay a lot of attention to Midnight Oil for the next few years. I owned "Diesel & Dust" and listened to it, but it wasn't in high rotation.

Eventually I found myself playing music with other guys. Jason pushed for us to play "The Dead Heart." That 'de doo doo doo - doo de doo' intro and extro was a LOT of fun to play. We learned a lot about dynamics playing our way out of that song. It was one of our better numbers and we also worked on some other Midnight Oil songs. It soon became apparent to us just how good these guys were as musicians. They had a remarkable ability to make quite complex songs sound much simpler than they were.

By this time "Blue Sky Mining" had been released and I had added it to my regular playlist.

During one of the summers I spent house painting Paul was bound and determined to convert everyone who he painted with into rabid Oil fans. He owned all their albums and played them on the company ghetto-blaster every chance he had. His plan worked. By the end of the summer I too owned all the most significant Oil albums - as did several of my other co-workers. I'd also found a new favourite Midnight Oil song, which holds the title to this day. (For the record, the video almost comically fails to capture the power of the song.)

I was the right age to be easily inflamed by the politics of their music. I was in my activistic stage and they were the soundtrack to the injustices of the day.

I missed Another Roadside Attraction in '93 because I was on tour. In fact, I missed the A.R.A. tour all three times because I was on tour. Without fail I'd be in Winnipeg and they'd be in Saskatoon. Two nights later we'd be in Saskatoon and Winnipeg would be rocking out. Grrrr.

That tour was politically linked to the logging issues in the Clayoquot though the band was also touring in support of "Earth and Sun and Moon" which was for practical purposes their last big album. They already had a political issue that was killing them as a band...

They didn't have much to complain about during the Clinton administration. Or rather they thought it diluted their message to start picking at the minor indiscretions of the world's remaining super-power. Think what you like about that. I don't know that it's as righteous as I'd like to think Midnight Oil as being, but that was what they claimed eight years later when I did finally have a chance to see them live.

Midnight Oil in the Commodore Ballroom was the most awesome show I ever saw in that spectacular venue. Imagine the Lurch-like six and a half foot bald-headed Peter Garrett whirling and spastically dancing (There's plenty of examples for your imagination in the linked videos.) mere feet above your head.

They declared that night that there was something wrong in the world again (Hmmm... I wonder what?) and that they has something to say and thus they were back. Sadly it wouldn't last long. Six months later Peter Garrett finally did something he had threatened to do before their breakout "Diesel & Dust" - he quit the band and went into politics. Apparently he figured he could accomplish more in the Australian Parlaiment. He is now the Minister of Enviroment, Heritage and the Arts.

While I do wish for another chance to see them live, or a new album, I respect Peter Garrett's committment to walk the talk. There are a number of bands on this list with strong politics. Few were ever as strident and none put their money where their mouth is with this much fervence.

How to Start Lecture

A heads up...

This Wednesday Jan 30th I'll be doing one of Biz Books' "How to Start" lectures. All the details (stolen from their site) follow below, so I won't get more redundant than I already have been.


HOW TO START:

How to Start… Getting Off the Couch and Making that Independent Film You’ve Been Saying You’re Going to Make with Kennedy Goodkey

A thoroughly non-technical look at how to get the ball-rolling towards the ultimate goal of Making a Feature Film. From the importance of an initiating idea, to basic self-organization, through the value of a good partner in crime to how to manage your life partner while you have a two year affair with a film. Also covering the realities of finances and just how much work it takes to make a movie; and the importance of good publicity, an un-flinching faith in yourself, and a voracious capacity to learn and learn and learn.

Wednesday, January 30th; 6:00 – 8:00 p.m.
To ensure we have a space set aside for you, either call: 604.669.6431 or e-mail: info@bizbooks.net

Kennedy’s passion for film-making is evident in the scripts he produces. He writes from the heart, but uses his head to make sure it comes out right. He is an asset to every film he produces.
— David Nykl

Kennedy is unstoppable… ’cause the road to The Beast of Bottomless Lake was an impossible one, but he travelled it.
— Mark Leiren-Young

Kennedy Goodkey is the host of the podcast "Micro Film: A Close Look at Making Big Films on a Small Budget."
He is also the winner of the First National Sketch Writing Competition, and a well known British Columbia writer/actor who is currently one of the principals in Vancouver production company Provost Pictures.
While he's perhaps best known for his work as both an actor and writer in the independent Vancouver theatre world (as well as many years spent on the Fringe-Festival Theatre circuit), Kennedy's writing credits include the animated films A David Lynch Family Christmas and The Gnome Who Knew Too Much (winner of the 'Special Achievement Award', 2003 ReelFast 48HR Filmmaking Competition). Additionally, Kennedy has written the live action short Rewind, as well as the shorts Godot and Straight Flush, both of which he also directed.
Kennedy is a Jessie Richardson Award-nominated actor, with appearances on The L Word and a lead role in the feature Sons of Cohen for which he also wrote the screenplay. He was the first recipient of the Provost Writer's Award for his play Sarcophagus, which is about the Chernobyl disaster.
Kennedy is currently involved in post-production for the feature-length film The Beast of Bottomless Lake, an interpretation of Moby Dick filmed primarily in the Okanagan region of British Columbia.

Cloverfield vs. Jaws & The Art of Missing the Point

WARNING! SPOILERS!

So I went and saw Cloverfield last night.

It was a wild ride. I totally loved it. When I left the theatre I mentioned to the friends I went with that I expected that most of the criticism that would be lobbed at it would be how it failed to explain the initiating circumstances or the implied victory over the monster. I also had heard people couldn't handle the 'handy-cam cinematography' a la Blair Witch Project.

So this morning I took a look at what was available on-line.

Sure enough.

Other criticisms: Lame witless dialogue. Exploitative 9/11 imagery.

Every single one of these criticisms are complete and utter bullshit.

For starters I can name a dozen film (easily) that feature an enormous creature rampaging through a city. Most of them include the word 'Godzilla' in them, but it's hardly limited to that franchise. I highly recommend The Host. Despite The Host's rather refreshing look at the genre, it needs to be said about the genre as a whole - "Been there, done that."
We've all seen the tale of how the plucky team of scientists, intrepid military men and the token civilian pulled into the thick of things band together to vanquish the building-sized monster.
What hasn't been seen is the story of the guy who we see get crushed under it's foot before the final reel. THAT is this story. Uncompromisingly so. J.J. Abrams & Director Matt Reeves are never tempted to swerve to a place where our heroes become instrumental in the creature's demise. They come close, witnessing the inital bombing runs on it, but then they become the victims of the obligatory swipe at a pesky helicopter. As our beaten heroes lay in the rubble at the end of the film waiting for it to all end, their hideout becomes collateral damage to the final all-out attack on the creature.

We can assume that the creature is defeated - it is strongly implied by the nature of the faux government tag applied to the start of the film, one which indicates an inquiry into the incident. Did Rob and Beth survive? Probably not, but we don't know. Did we hear the creature's demise? We don't know. (There are reports that if you play the final radio transmission backwards that it say's "It's still alive." Even if true, frankly 'backwards masking' doesn't really exist in the world of this film. But the concept of the film directly prevents us from knowing based on the internal context, and that is how it should be. Anything else would be a cheat.

And the same applies to the cinematography and the dialogue. Both were slavishly realistic. Real people aren't capable of tossing out witty one-liners in response to their strife every two minutes for 90 minutes (or seven hours - the time the film plays out in). The film even subtly comments on it - "Why don't you ask me if I've ever heard of... Garfield." A line so witless, commenting on another character's lack of wit... it's genius.

And nothing can better put us in the situation than to see it all first person... though naming the character with the camera 'Hud' (Hudson/Heads Up Display) walks the line of self-reference. This does mean that we don't see much of the monster, 'cause naturally the protagonists are usually running in the opposite direction, but refer back to my first point - WE'VE SEEN THIS MOVIE BEFORE! Not only do we not need to see the monster, it's a refreshing and more realistic to show it to us this way.

Which leads me tot he complaints of exploitation of 9/11 imagery. Exploitation? Go to hell. If anything it's the greatest of respect. I've got this theory - stay with me here - that if we were all to be exposed to the horror of being in the chaos of the hot zone it owuld happen a hell of a alot less. And the hot zone could be anything from Ground Zero at the World Trade Centre or downtown Baghdad in April of 2003 or Guernica in 1937, or Dresden 1945... I can go on of course. In all these cases a common trait is that the civilian victims (and survivors) at the centre of the storm have little notion of what is actually happening. They might know 'we are being bombed' but even that may be obscured (note that many people thought 9/11 was a bombing while it was happening - despite the jet-liners flying into buildings overhead.) Cloverfield presents this reality clearly (in it's obscurity) from start to finish. In his final address to the camera, Rob says "If you are watching this you know more about what's happening than I do." This is thematically a very important moment. What is the name of the film? "Cloverfield." A military slang term referencing the appearance from above of an area which has just been carpet-bombed, as the dust is still settling. Could this be any more clear? What is it like to be in the horrific heat of that moment? Cloverfield attempts to capture that. Again, the first-person view is an unrelenting choice which hammers this point home and never breaks it's own rule. Having the attack in question be a movie monster rather than a military power is almost irrelevant. Part of the point is that our protagonists only know a tiny sliver of the story, so it might as well be Godzilla - or whatever.
Let's face it, being a giant monster gets more people through the doors. Just look at the record breaking box-office figures of the first week. In that sense it's more exploitative, but if it had been an attack by a military power (which in New York would be even more absurd than a movie monster in today's day and age, the supernatural allows the leap of willful suspension of disbelief) half the people would come out to watch the movie... and the political subtext would be far too on the nose and less powerful.
My ultimate point here - if you've missed it - is that Cloverfield actually honours the victims of 9/11 (and more importantly, more horrific events - some people (cough, cough, New Yorkers, cough) really need to get over themselves) by bringing us inside the horror of such events so that we can all understand what it might be like, how confusing and terrifying it can be, and hopefully steel a little more resolve in each of us to prevent it from happening again.

Okay, I'm off my soap box for the moment. But that doesn't mean I'm finished!

A few more thoughts...

Titanic was a love story set against the backdrop of the world's most famous passnger liner sinking. Cloverfield does the same by putting a story against the backdrop of a Godzilla-like attack. The attack isn't the story. Surviving in the heaping rubble is.

I went home and rather randomly put Jaws in the DVD player. Watching the infamous first opening scene I had a revelation. Spielberg knew exactly what was going on underneath the water as Susan Backlinie was attacked by the shark. None of what happens is random. I know that making a reality of what is unseen is an important creative tool, but suddenly with outrageous clarity I saw what was going on beneath the surface. A taste... a bite and tearing a piece (leg or legs) off. A moment's respite as she clings to the buoy, legless, in shock as the first morsels go down and the shark circles for a second attack.... I imagined it all in greater clarity than this. (In a side note - I got to see our Jaws tribute scene edited last weekend. Made me very happy. It was always one of my pet scenes in the "Beast..." script.)

It occurred to me that Abrams and Reeves similarly knew at any given moment in Cloverfield what was going on in the bigger picture. What stage of any pedestrian creature feature would be going on in the world of the film.

Okay, I'm done.